Lifes a circle.
The good and the bad. It's an everyday battle.
Things are good, then bad, then good again.
But good is only a realitive term.
Something that sucks less than something else can be called good.
There is so much going on right now. And every last bit of it sucks.
Everytime I see a gilmmer of hope, it occurs to me that it's still not good.
I feel so fake and manipulative.
I'm pretending to be something I'm not, and it shows.
I can't keep up.
I thought I was ahead, but when I look I'm still behind.
There is so much death and sadness and struggle and anger in my life right now,
bombarding me from all sides.
Two people close to me have lost someone the love.
My own grandfather is lying in his deathbed, and so is the grandfather of someone I hold especially dear to my heart.
My parents are fighting, becuase my dad lost his job.
Soon we'll lose the car, then the house. And then what?
It a crappy way, it's kinda my fault.
My fault we moved anyway. And if we hadn't, everything would be so much easier.
And maybe I'd have a life again, real friends again.
Living here is like exile.
Completely cut off from everything.
I need to make changes.
Starting with getting on some medication.
I hated it, but maybe I'd feel a little more balenced.
I just wish, that I didn't feel nothing.
I feel like I really don't care about anyone around me.
The few people I always will care about, aren't there.
It's just all pilling up.
And if it keeps going at this rate, I'm going to break.
And if I do a lot of people are going to be very hurt.
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