Marbles, Teddy bears, and broken hearts.

Urhm.
So.
I've like decided I feel used and hurt.
And it sucks.
Reading her blogs, its like wow.
So yeah.
I dont know what I'm going to do.
Other than to stop assuming everything.
And shes right,
"hes still hung up on the last girl, i cant change that
i want him, all of him, but ill never get that because she still has him"
So maybe I need to cut my losses.
Keep him as a friend forever and never hope for anything more.
That way, I dont get used or hurt.
And he doesn't have to worry about stringing me along.

Of course I dont work that way, and will go on loving him when i shouldn't
and secretly hoping that maybe I could be good enough for him.
And maybe that one day i could be all he's ever wanted.
But for now, I have to at least pretend to use my head.

Long, pointless, scattered thoughts.

You know that kind of special snow?
The kind that is soft and fluffy.
Like a cloud.
And it glitters in the sunlight.
Its just magical.
I love it.
I swear I sat there for an hour.
Just reminiscing.
Snow used to be a portal into another world.
It was angels, snowmen and forts.
Obstacle courses, missions and sledding.
It was a time for bonding with people.
Me and my brother would go out for hours to make the perfect fort.
And then while we played we destroyed it, but it was ok.
Because the next day we would go out and fix it.
We imagined we were people in far away lands,
rushing against time to save the world.
And then there was that time over at Eliston park with my mom, brother and Josi.
We had the tubes and were racing down the hill.
Josi and I were on one, and Justin wanted to jump on half way down, and he like bounced off the front and flipped over us.
And years and years ago on that snow day, Darcy took me and Justin up the alleys and stuff on his snowmobile because there was so much of it.
And Jess, Mouse, Tyanna, Justin and I made this huge pile of snow.
And like made stairs up one side, and a slide down the other.
That New Years was the last time we were all together.
Haha and I think the only party my parents have ever thrown.
I still remember the princess play we put on for the adults.
I was seven. Jessie was eight. Tyanna was nine. Mouse was six, and my brother five.
It was just all so amazing.
So innocent and fun.
As people get older the magic seems to disappear.
I don't wish I was a kid again, I just wish I could get the magic back.
The magic of christmas morning and being excited that Santa came.
I remember the year Santa came to grandmas house after dinner.
It's funny, because I have no idea who played Santa.
So it will always be Santa.
I remember at the old house, my 4th christmas, creeping down the stairs and seeing the tree all lit up and
that bear being under the tree.
I still have her. My cute little Holly bear.
I remember wishing for a white christmas.
And sitting outside freezing my butt off for an hour,
I realized I couldn't be happier.
Thats because the magic is forever in my heart.
And I can't wait to have kids, so I can create thats magic in them.
And have many magical memories with them.