Eeek.
I don't know what i did but i feel like i was run over by a truck.
My neck hurts, my head is pounding.
Haha it hurts to move.

Last night was kind of fun.
Even though I didnt go out with kyla,
I got to see Jessy and Caitrin and Tim.
<3
Happy face

Ok so i seriously feel like i'm going to pass out.
Could be from te heat.
Or because I havent been eating much.
Regardless I'm so dissy right now

I feel a little peace today.
Kyla and me are going out tonight,
Hopefully.
<3

Ughh

Wow.
Another person in my school has commited suicide.
Two months ago it was a grade ten student.
This time it was a teacher.
Which is so sad, and heartbreaking.
But at the same time i wish i had enough balls to do it.
Im so sick of everything, and i dont think its worth it anymore.
I got kicked out of my freaking house again
after another massive huge fige with my dad.
I have this weird bruise on my arm from the jerk.
Besides just being sore.
Everything is so down hill right now.
The little bit of hope and faith i had is diminishing in front of my eyes.
I'm trying so hard to hold on,
when all i really want to do is let go.
I'm not sure of a lot of things.
And as i try to count up all the great things in my life
i notice that the list is small, and ever changing- always getting smaller.
I'm so close to giving up,
But i know i couldn't do it.
And its so infuriating!
And for everyone, or anyone reading this and feeling uneasy
trust me when i say i wont do it.
If i was going to i would have by now.
The first time i decided I was going to do it was
a massive fail.
Almot three years ago actually.
January 31st.
I didn't want to live to see my 13th birthday.
How sad is that?
Twelve years old and already fed up with living.
Yeah I've been seriously fucked up for a long time.
And I think think I'll grow a pair anytime soon.
But then again everything can change in the blink of an eye.
It would be nothing to step in front of that speeding car
Or cut a little too deep.
So i guess nothings really certain.
My issue at the moment revolves around love.
How can anyone love me when the people who birthed me and rasied me can't?
They dont love me.
Or support my goals and dreams.
And they could care less about how i feel.
Instead they tear me down and belittle my acomplishments.
How could I love myself?
Obviously I'm so terrible.
So worthless.
And If i dont love myself,
How can anyone else love me?
They can't.
Don't.
Adding to my misery.

Time to go home.

Fake smile, check;
Fake stories about my day, check;

Real pain, hidden.
Real tears, hidden.
Real emotions, hidden.
Who I am, hidden.
...They wouldn't get it.

Lots of people don't, why would they?
Almost three years later and they still don't get it.
Don't you love depression?
I can't wait till they figure out what I'm up to. (Sarcasm)
Back to the hospital I'll go.
And this time I wont get out.

Paul Brandt I meant to do that. <3

A rose in a box, wrapped up in dreams
A card that explains how much your love means
A table for two with soft candlelight
The words "I love you," somewhere in the night

CHORUS:I meant to do that
Does that mean a thing
If you wanted songs
Then I meant to sing
I'd give you the world
If you'd give mine back
What I didn't do
I meant to do that

Late in the night, nothing to say
Maybe a call to talk anyway
A letter or two with some words that rhyme
To promise you love, for now and all time

CHORUS:I meant to do that
Does that mean a thing
If you wanted songs
Then I meant to sing
I'd give you the world
If you'd give mine back
What I didn't do
I meant to do that

Hold onto the love you gave until the end of time
And love you more every day, until you know that

CHORUS:I meant to do that
Does that mean a thing
If you wanted songs
Then I meant to sing
I'd give you the world
If you'd give mine back
What I didn't do
I meant to do that