*Vomit*

Stress induced illness is not fun.
I have spent my morning throwing up.
Like really.
That was a load and a half.
Way to much for me to handle right now.
Especially after having an already emotionally draining day.
You knew I had a bad day. So why would you say anything.
Your thing of making me want to hate you, couldn't really work.
Despite the fact i hold grudges, your still too sweet to make me hate you.
Hope we can be friends,
Because forgetting about you isn't an option.
But I am going to be mad for a while.
But thank you, and I wish every happiness for you.
Hope life treats you well.

-Samantha

What The FUCK

Are you fucking kidding me?
Like really.
What would you say if i told you * **** ***, or that i was ******* ** **** **** ***.
Who says that?
Even worse who fucking takes it back?
I feel like slaping you with a large smelly fish.
I am so mad and so sad and confused.
Why the fuck couldnt you have said it at a different time.
This was not right.
And I don't think I'm going to sleep at all.
You have pulled some dick moves tonight.
The first, I excused.
But this is too far.
I can't do this.
Don't be shocked if i dont speak to you for a few days.

Oh the irony of being bullied on anti-bully week.

I am so sick of this shit.
Fuck you.
Jordan if you EVER spit on me agian,
or even mockingly do so, i dont care if i get suspened or expelled.
You will get your ass beat.
Like really, and thank you so much Mr. B for doing shit all.
Your lucky my mother doesnt tear a strip off you.
I hate the world at the moment and wish you all go die.
Except for :heart: Layne and Kerry, who enjoy making me laugh and smile.
You guys are great.

Hmmm.

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Waring* No warm and fuzzy feelings. Its the cold hard bitchy truth, you have issues? Get the fuck over it!

So I am yet again sitting here swiftly kicking myself for getting up so early. My parents are fucking ecstatic that not only am I going to school, I’m getting here early. Like FAIL. I was up late thinking about stuff. I’m not sure if I liked it all. It was very confusing. There were all these random muddled thoughts. Of him, him, her, him, her, him. (Really specific, I know[Yes their names are in here, because anyone who knows me knows who I am talking about]) And yeah I just really felt crushed. Like there was this huge weight on me. It wasn’t good. But then I realized the decisions I made were based on behaviors of others. Last year, 6 months ago, one month ago. Up until the present. And I don’t regret anything so far. Well except maybe not being with Kyla more. I really wish I were still in her life as much as I used to be. Fuck I still remember walking to her house in nothing but shorts and tank top. My diary clutched close to my chest. I remember your mom asking where the hell my shoes were. And after you gave me some pants and a hoodie, and some shoes we went and walked around Elliston park. I remember eating cupcakes in the alley, the icing was too sweet so we scraped it off. Colorful gobs of icing all over the alley. Nearly getting hit by a police car. Drunken videos on the computer. Bringing booze to track day. Walking from Lloyds to the petro and getting this guy who like appeared from nowhere to buy us smokes. I remember social classes filled with carrots, water, asking Mr. K if cowboys were hotter than hockey players, throwing half a burnt Tylenol across the room. And then you and I, getting him and him and sneaking them in. It was raining and cold. And we tried sneaking out to meet them but we got caught, but we still snuck them in. And it was a great night. Even if he had a high heel in the back of his head, you know he enjoyed it. I always had much fun camping with them. I remember kissing Jeff under the stars at the amphitheater. And Ryan riding down the back stairs and biffed it on a tree root at the bottom. I don’t see any of you three anymore. Not often anyways. I remember how tight we used to be. Laynie your great, I am so happy to have met you. And thank you Kerry for knowing him. And being at the pool. I enjoy every minute in your arms. I feel like I never want to leave. I have a feeling this is going to last. Which is pretty great. I’m happy about it. *Sigh* And then you two. Tim, I wish I were what you were looking for. I wish I were good enough for you. And I am so sorry for everything, you probably hate me. Oh of course you might not admit it to me, but I’m pretty sure you hate me. I had so much fun with you. All the time. You always knew how to make me smile even when I didn’t want to. I don’t know why you put up with me half the time. I’m sorry I wanted something you weren’t ready to give. It’s ok; its just another sign to prove this wasn’t the right time for us. Maybe someday, maybe not. But I think we played a necessary part of each other’s lives. I hope we stay besties <3. Jess, I don’t know why you are acting like this. I really just don’t get it. I don’t understand how something so little could change something that has been so permanent for so long. I keep hoping and praying you’ll get over it. But quite frankly, and no offense, grow up. You just met him for like an hour and you get pissed at me? Because he and I talked? Hung out. He goes to my school. It was just right between us. So whatever. I’m sorry but no. In my opinion you need to get over it. Besides you have so many guys you are “into” at the moment. It sickens me. Sometimes I tell you I “like” Someone just so I can pretend to have conflicting emotions. I really have a one-track mind. When I like someone, they are my every thought. Not, but I like him too, oh and don’t forget I like him as well. Sorry, but no.
Well yeah. I don’t know why I started ranting.
But if you’re still reading, thank you.
If not then whatever, go fuck yourself.
I’m no longer in a pleasant mood.
Wow that’s great.
Ugh.
I really don’t know if YC is a good idea anymore, not with Tim and Jess being all…indescribably different.
And Caitrin’s not going. So I have no idea whats going to happen with that. Like at all.
#*%^@#$^%^&*(&*(()*&^$%#$@#$$#@##@$%#$%#$%@#%$#% ^$%^ %$^ $%^%%$@$ #@$%%$&^%#%$$^%#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arg.

Today was almost flawless, except for the douch bag who pulled the fire alarm.
I was in fucking gym class.
In shorts!
And had to go out in -16 weather.
I was so totally not happy.
And then a friend(?) saw me with Layne.
And changed her facebook status.
Shes not happy about it. And I believe the staus was about it.
So yeah.
But it was funny to hear her brag about a certain someone saying she should quit smoking so he can kiss her.
Funny funny funny.
Whatever I am so over it.
Had a great night, parents like him, my mom is shocked I have found someone respectful. And umm yeah that covers it.
I have to get early... again,
So I gotta bounce.
PCE!

Today shall be satisfying.

Today shall be satisfying. Matt gets to die. I love having people who care and want to get even. I could handle it myself, but I know when to hold and when to play. This isn’t my time to play. But many of my guy friends will. And Holy broken wrist batman! Killer cast. Lime green to match our wonderful lanyards. Hope you get well soon Kassee. <3.
And guess what, I was up at five again, At school at like 6:45. I fail epically. And what’s worse is I enjoy it. And dude I am totally going to sneek out early to go see jeff and ryan quick. He said for a smoke, what they don’t know is I have quit smoking, so I can go freeze my tail off out there with them while they smoke. And then I am dutifully bound to help Kassee with lunch and I get to introduce her to all the people I met yesterday. I have a feeling it wont be too awkward. But Then it could also be totally awkward. So who knows. Layne gets to come over and meet the ‘rents tonight I can’t wait. I know they will just love him. He treats me right, he is normal, and he doesn’t have a criminal record. Plus he doesn’t smoke or do drugs, he drinks but not like he drinks to get drunk and be stupid. He is a Christian and goes to church and youth whenever he doesn’t have work or training. He’s a gamer. Hahaha and taller than me so mom will be happy. I really like him. We have stuff in common. He is great. =)