I wish I knew

I wish I knew what to do from here.
I wish I could just understand.
I wish I could be half normal.
I wish I wasn't so afrid to just say yes sometimes.
I wish I wasn't so afriad that I won't ever live up to my potentital.
Which is weird because I can still hear one of my fourth grade teachers telling me I was one of her low potential students.
Along with my friend Megan, and look where she is now.
Dropped out coke head, like her mother.
And you should have seen her.
Shes absolutley stunning.
And she was so talented, a born leader, who even at age 9 had the abilitiy to draw better than most people three times her age.
All of it thrown away.
I am so confused about life, and love.
I'm sure someday down the road, it will make sense.
But for right now, I think I need to climb under a rock.

Blanket of stars (Rated R)

We go for a drive,
Late at night,
A blanket of stars,
A beautiful sight.

Your hand rests,
Upon my thigh,
Move up my skirt,
No need to be shy.

I close my eyes,
As I feel your touch,
And instantly,
Comes a surging rush.

You feel me wet,
Right away,
And smile,
As there aren’t words to say.

I scoot closer,
As you watch the road,
I kiss your neck,
Sweet kisses bestowed.

Run my fingers,
Through your hair,
And take you in,
With lustful stare.

My hand travels down,
From your strong chest,
Down to your pants,
Which I start to undress.

I reveal your shaft,
So hard and long,
And I stroke you lightly,
Gentle, not strong.

I lower down,
And skim soft lips,
Lightly over,
Just your tip.

I kiss and I lick,
Down the back,
Use my hands,
To massage your sack.

I take you in,
I take you out,
I tease you so
Your lust’s devout

You breathe so deeply,
As you drive,
But really, my love,
You’re on the ride

I move back up,
And spread soft licks,
Nibbles and kisses,
From your neck to your dick.

I feel your hand,
On my head,
Pushing gently,
I give in, instead.

Moving my hands,
In twisting motion,
Pleasing you with
Avid devotion.

I smooth my tongue,
Wet and slow,
Over your tip,
Until you blow.

I taste your cream,
As it melts on my tongue,
Devouring your candy,
As if I were young.

Bringing me closer,
You gently hug me,
Caress my skin,
And whisper you love me.

Your hand now,
Back on my thigh,
Moving slowly,
Making me high.

You lightly tease,
And fondle my clit,
I part my legs,
As beside you, I sit

I nuzzle your neck,
And whisper in your ear,
“Make love to me, honey”
You pull off to adhere.

The middle of nowhere,
In the calmness of night,
The blanket of stars,
Shining so bright.

We bring the blanket,
We spread it down,
And you pull me close,
Without a sound.

As I stand,
You strip me slowly,
Worshipping my body,
As if it were holy.

My shirt is off,
My bra undone,
And you slide off my skirt,
To finish what was begun.

Holding my hips,
As you drop to your knees,
Licking my thigh,
To lovingly tease.

You guide me down,
To the floor,
Part my legs,
And give me more.

Your tongue massages,
My every feeling,
Revealing emotions,
I was concealing.

Your finger now,
Sliding inside,
My hips move with you,
And gently I ride.

I moan so freely,
No one can hear,
Alone in the world,
With the one I hold dear.

You pull back,
And you take off your shirt,
The moonlight caressing you,
And your movement, inert

The pants come next,
You strip them down,
You begin to please me,
With just your crown.

I feel how hard,
How hot, how wet,
Your shaft is,
Against me, I’ll never forget

I pull you closer,
To make my yearning subside,
I want you so bad,
So I guide you inside.

I feel complete,
As you fill my void,
My fears and doubts,
Are now destroyed.

I gently move with you,
United as one,
The moon shines upon us,
Until the light is the sun.

Your body pressed against mine,
I feel you so strong,
And I feel so safe,
In your arms all night long.

Pulling you closer,
So deep inside,
I cannot resist you,
As in, you glide.

Making sweet love,
Feeling your skin,
Holding you tight,
Deep within.

Moving faster,
Cannot contain,
Our juices are pouring,
Out me, they drain.

“I love you,” you whisper,
Slow in my ear,
Almost so quietly,
That I cannot hear.

I kiss you deeply,
As my climax comes,
You feel my contractions,
They beat like drums.

You push into me faster,
Seeing me through,
And you know you’re close,
So you do not subdue.

“I love you, baby
Cum inside,”
I softly tell you,
As my legs open wide.

You thrust so deeply,
Devour my being,
You let me envelope you,
Which is so very freeing.

You release inside,
I feel you cum,
We have been loving so long,
That I feel numb.

I will never forget,
That night that was ours,
Alone, together,
Beneath a blanket of stars.

Smiley Face

On the plus side last night was great.
I already asked If i could go back next month.
I enjoyed helping so much.
I am so proud of Cindy to be moving out of there to her own place.
Like really. And even better, shes still clean!
=DDD
Me and Jess had a great talk last night.
But then we usually do, whenever we talk.
I have homework I'm going to go work on.
I almost feel normal, doing normal activities.
And sometimes it seems overwhelming, but if i can't handle something, then I just don't do it.
Like I was going to call T and ask if he wanted to chill today.
But I just didnt think today would be a good day.
I mean I've always spent valentines day alone, regardless of whether i had a bf or not.
Its just a depressing day, I cant stand it.
So as much as i want to see him, i'm better off here today.
And as for the other part of last night.
I.
Am.
Stupid.
But cuddling was great.
Even though I have so many questions running through my mind.
You.
Are.
So.
Confusing.
Anyway, Time for science!
Woot Woot.
(yeah, probably go watch tv.)

*Shakes head*

Happy 'Mistreat-love-so-you-can-waste-money-and-possibly-get-laid-or-rejected' Day!

Have a GREAT day! (<-- Sarcastic remark warning)

*Cringe*

I feel stupid, embarrassed, childish, moronic, senseless, humiliated and mortified.
I hope you don't hate me.
I wish you had listened when I said not to come.
I am probably going to go hide under a rock.

That girl can light up the room

life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances
you just have to live life to the fullest. laugh as much as you can, spend all your money, tell someone what they mean to you,
tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, pig out, fall asleep watching the
sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, smile till your face hurts, dont be afraid to take chances or fall in love...& most of all live in
the moment cause when you look back someday knowing you have no regrets it's gonna be what makes you smile

Good day.
Almost great, but this guy, like will not take the hint i dont like him.
At all.
My dad does not approve, but my mother is encouraging my to give him a chance.
Like really, my excuse is he is twenty.
My dad said eightteen or nineteen is ok.
And I knew he would feel like that.
It still has "teen" in it.
But yeah, I'm absolutely not gonig out with this guy on valentines day.
I have to babysit, thankfully.
So yeah. =)
But I had fun at the dance.
It was so funny, this guy I remember as the little blonde boy who would kiss my mom's
leg and cling to her.
And he was grinding all over people. it was great