Urhm.
So.
I've like decided I feel used and hurt.
And it sucks.
Reading her blogs, its like wow.
So yeah.
I dont know what I'm going to do.
Other than to stop assuming everything.
And shes right,
"hes still hung up on the last girl, i cant change that
i want him, all of him, but ill never get that because she still has him"
So maybe I need to cut my losses.
Keep him as a friend forever and never hope for anything more.
That way, I dont get used or hurt.
And he doesn't have to worry about stringing me along.
Of course I dont work that way, and will go on loving him when i shouldn't
and secretly hoping that maybe I could be good enough for him.
And maybe that one day i could be all he's ever wanted.
But for now, I have to at least pretend to use my head.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Long, pointless, scattered thoughts.
You know that kind of special snow?
The kind that is soft and fluffy.
Like a cloud.
And it glitters in the sunlight.
Its just magical.
I love it.
I swear I sat there for an hour.
Just reminiscing.
Snow used to be a portal into another world.
It was angels, snowmen and forts.
Obstacle courses, missions and sledding.
It was a time for bonding with people.
Me and my brother would go out for hours to make the perfect fort.
And then while we played we destroyed it, but it was ok.
Because the next day we would go out and fix it.
We imagined we were people in far away lands,
rushing against time to save the world.
And then there was that time over at Eliston park with my mom, brother and Josi.
We had the tubes and were racing down the hill.
Josi and I were on one, and Justin wanted to jump on half way down, and he like bounced off the front and flipped over us.
And years and years ago on that snow day, Darcy took me and Justin up the alleys and stuff on his snowmobile because there was so much of it.
And Jess, Mouse, Tyanna, Justin and I made this huge pile of snow.
And like made stairs up one side, and a slide down the other.
That New Years was the last time we were all together.
Haha and I think the only party my parents have ever thrown.
I still remember the princess play we put on for the adults.
I was seven. Jessie was eight. Tyanna was nine. Mouse was six, and my brother five.
It was just all so amazing.
So innocent and fun.
As people get older the magic seems to disappear.
I don't wish I was a kid again, I just wish I could get the magic back.
The magic of christmas morning and being excited that Santa came.
I remember the year Santa came to grandmas house after dinner.
It's funny, because I have no idea who played Santa.
So it will always be Santa.
I remember at the old house, my 4th christmas, creeping down the stairs and seeing the tree all lit up and
that bear being under the tree.
I still have her. My cute little Holly bear.
I remember wishing for a white christmas.
And sitting outside freezing my butt off for an hour,
I realized I couldn't be happier.
Thats because the magic is forever in my heart.
And I can't wait to have kids, so I can create thats magic in them.
And have many magical memories with them.
The kind that is soft and fluffy.
Like a cloud.
And it glitters in the sunlight.
Its just magical.
I love it.
I swear I sat there for an hour.
Just reminiscing.
Snow used to be a portal into another world.
It was angels, snowmen and forts.
Obstacle courses, missions and sledding.
It was a time for bonding with people.
Me and my brother would go out for hours to make the perfect fort.
And then while we played we destroyed it, but it was ok.
Because the next day we would go out and fix it.
We imagined we were people in far away lands,
rushing against time to save the world.
And then there was that time over at Eliston park with my mom, brother and Josi.
We had the tubes and were racing down the hill.
Josi and I were on one, and Justin wanted to jump on half way down, and he like bounced off the front and flipped over us.
And years and years ago on that snow day, Darcy took me and Justin up the alleys and stuff on his snowmobile because there was so much of it.
And Jess, Mouse, Tyanna, Justin and I made this huge pile of snow.
And like made stairs up one side, and a slide down the other.
That New Years was the last time we were all together.
Haha and I think the only party my parents have ever thrown.
I still remember the princess play we put on for the adults.
I was seven. Jessie was eight. Tyanna was nine. Mouse was six, and my brother five.
It was just all so amazing.
So innocent and fun.
As people get older the magic seems to disappear.
I don't wish I was a kid again, I just wish I could get the magic back.
The magic of christmas morning and being excited that Santa came.
I remember the year Santa came to grandmas house after dinner.
It's funny, because I have no idea who played Santa.
So it will always be Santa.
I remember at the old house, my 4th christmas, creeping down the stairs and seeing the tree all lit up and
that bear being under the tree.
I still have her. My cute little Holly bear.
I remember wishing for a white christmas.
And sitting outside freezing my butt off for an hour,
I realized I couldn't be happier.
Thats because the magic is forever in my heart.
And I can't wait to have kids, so I can create thats magic in them.
And have many magical memories with them.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Rawr! I'm so bored!!
Quiz.. Name: Samantha
Gender:Female
1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water? Turn the water on and get in.
2.) Do you read the labels on the shampoo bottle? Yeah
3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence commercials? Hahahaha No.
4.) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yeah
5.) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? When i was veryy veryy little.
6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? Yeah
7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? Its me... of course i have.
8.) How old do you look? I have been mistaken for a seventh grader and a 22 yr. old- and everything in between.
9.) How old do you act? My age, if not older.
10.) What's the last song you heard/sang? Gotta be Somebody- Nickleback
11.) Have you recently become a member of anything?Um. I dont think so.
12.) What are your plans for the weekend? Nothing other than the usual.
13.) What is your mood at the moment? Sleepy, Bored.
14.) Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? Haha actually no.
15) Do you ever intentionally vomit after drinking? Eww no, who does that?
16.) If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? Captian. Or the Parrot.
17.) Have you ever called anyone a slut? Yeah if its true
18.) Has anyone ever called you a slut? I think so =/
19). Have you ever smuggled something into America? Nope
20.) Does playing a guitar make someone more attractive? No but displaying a talent without being cocky does ;]
21.) Do you live in a city with a good sports team? Meh.
22). Have you ever finished off the popcorn? Yeah
23). Have you ever turned someone down for a date? Yeah
24.) Who's your favorite super-hero? Superman!
25.) Do you have more enemies or more friends? Friends.
26.) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter? Yeah.
27.) Can you fix your own car? Does bribing someone else to do it count?
28). Do you like staying up late? Kinda.
29.) Are you smarter than your friends? lol , Some of them.
30.) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends? No
31.) Have you ever been to jail? Give it time.
32.) Last thing you bought over 50 dollars? A gift for a friend.
33) Do you like the smell of beer? (puke) No
34.) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream? Lol all the time
35.) Have you ever given to charity? Yeah
36.) Would you kill a dog for $1000? No!
37.) Do you ever get depressed? Occasionally
38.) Do you live with your parents? Yes
39.) Do you have plans for your future? Ever-changing but yeah.
TWO'S OF EVERY KIND
Two Names You Go By: Sam Sammy
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now: Shirt, pants
Two Places You Want to go on Vacation: Paris and Sydney
Two favorite animals? Leopard, Wolf
Two Things You Want in a Relationship other than Real Love: Honesty, Comfort
Two Reasons you're doing this survey: Tired, nothing better to do.
Spell your name without vowels: Sm or Smnth
More Questions : How many pairs of jeans do you own? 4 or 5
What colors do you wear most often?: black white blue
Last song heard on the iTunes? Seventeen forever- metro station.
Are you missing someone right now? yupp
Are you happy with your life right now? For the most part i guess
Do you own a... PS2?: yea
XBOX?: noo
XBOX 360?: no
PSP?: nopee
Gamecube?: nopee
A digital camera? yeah
Do you shop at stores like Aeropostale and American Eagle: nott often
How do you make money? parents/ kinda part-time job
How was the weather today? Freaking Cold!
When do you start summer break? june...
Favorite pair of shoes: My plaid DC's.
Do you own big sunglasses?: No way
Do you find yourself attractive?: Honestly no.
What should you be doing right now? Reading.
Who did you hug today? Dani, Kyle, Chris, Brittany, Shayla
How many beds did you lay in yesterday? 1
Name two thing that you do everyday? shower and eat.
What's the color of your bedroom walls?: bluee
How much cash do you have on you right now? 3 dollars
What are your favorite sports? soccer basket ball volleyball and badmonton
When was the last time you saw your dad? An hour ago
What did you have for dinner last night? Steak and potatoes
Look to your left, what do you see? Outside.
Do you have plants in your room? nope
What's your favorite Starbucks drink? Yeah right.
Recent time you were really upset? Lol today
Gender:Female
1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water? Turn the water on and get in.
2.) Do you read the labels on the shampoo bottle? Yeah
3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence commercials? Hahahaha No.
4.) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yeah
5.) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings? When i was veryy veryy little.
6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower? Yeah
7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot? Its me... of course i have.
8.) How old do you look? I have been mistaken for a seventh grader and a 22 yr. old- and everything in between.
9.) How old do you act? My age, if not older.
10.) What's the last song you heard/sang? Gotta be Somebody- Nickleback
11.) Have you recently become a member of anything?Um. I dont think so.
12.) What are your plans for the weekend? Nothing other than the usual.
13.) What is your mood at the moment? Sleepy, Bored.
14.) Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? Haha actually no.
15) Do you ever intentionally vomit after drinking? Eww no, who does that?
16.) If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? Captian. Or the Parrot.
17.) Have you ever called anyone a slut? Yeah if its true
18.) Has anyone ever called you a slut? I think so =/
19). Have you ever smuggled something into America? Nope
20.) Does playing a guitar make someone more attractive? No but displaying a talent without being cocky does ;]
21.) Do you live in a city with a good sports team? Meh.
22). Have you ever finished off the popcorn? Yeah
23). Have you ever turned someone down for a date? Yeah
24.) Who's your favorite super-hero? Superman!
25.) Do you have more enemies or more friends? Friends.
26.) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter? Yeah.
27.) Can you fix your own car? Does bribing someone else to do it count?
28). Do you like staying up late? Kinda.
29.) Are you smarter than your friends? lol , Some of them.
30.) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends? No
31.) Have you ever been to jail? Give it time.
32.) Last thing you bought over 50 dollars? A gift for a friend.
33) Do you like the smell of beer? (puke) No
34.) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream? Lol all the time
35.) Have you ever given to charity? Yeah
36.) Would you kill a dog for $1000? No!
37.) Do you ever get depressed? Occasionally
38.) Do you live with your parents? Yes
39.) Do you have plans for your future? Ever-changing but yeah.
TWO'S OF EVERY KIND
Two Names You Go By: Sam Sammy
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now: Shirt, pants
Two Places You Want to go on Vacation: Paris and Sydney
Two favorite animals? Leopard, Wolf
Two Things You Want in a Relationship other than Real Love: Honesty, Comfort
Two Reasons you're doing this survey: Tired, nothing better to do.
Spell your name without vowels: Sm or Smnth
More Questions : How many pairs of jeans do you own? 4 or 5
What colors do you wear most often?: black white blue
Last song heard on the iTunes? Seventeen forever- metro station.
Are you missing someone right now? yupp
Are you happy with your life right now? For the most part i guess
Do you own a... PS2?: yea
XBOX?: noo
XBOX 360?: no
PSP?: nopee
Gamecube?: nopee
A digital camera? yeah
Do you shop at stores like Aeropostale and American Eagle: nott often
How do you make money? parents/ kinda part-time job
How was the weather today? Freaking Cold!
When do you start summer break? june...
Favorite pair of shoes: My plaid DC's.
Do you own big sunglasses?: No way
Do you find yourself attractive?: Honestly no.
What should you be doing right now? Reading.
Who did you hug today? Dani, Kyle, Chris, Brittany, Shayla
How many beds did you lay in yesterday? 1
Name two thing that you do everyday? shower and eat.
What's the color of your bedroom walls?: bluee
How much cash do you have on you right now? 3 dollars
What are your favorite sports? soccer basket ball volleyball and badmonton
When was the last time you saw your dad? An hour ago
What did you have for dinner last night? Steak and potatoes
Look to your left, what do you see? Outside.
Do you have plants in your room? nope
What's your favorite Starbucks drink? Yeah right.
Recent time you were really upset? Lol today
Eeek.
Well Falalalala, lalalala.
I love christmas because I love spending the time with family and friends.
But no one is going to be around!
Kaite and Kyle are going with their dad.
My uncle is with his new girlfriend in the states.
Jessica and her family are going to Vic.
I don't think were going to my grandma Gowlands for christmas day,
because my dad always bitches about going.
And 25 other friends are going on a missons trip, which is cool,
but I'm going to miss them so much.
So, please just wake me when it's over.
I love christmas because I love spending the time with family and friends.
But no one is going to be around!
Kaite and Kyle are going with their dad.
My uncle is with his new girlfriend in the states.
Jessica and her family are going to Vic.
I don't think were going to my grandma Gowlands for christmas day,
because my dad always bitches about going.
And 25 other friends are going on a missons trip, which is cool,
but I'm going to miss them so much.
So, please just wake me when it's over.
asdfjkl;
Haha
So once again I shall aim to take over the world.
Control everyone and everything.
After that completely sadistic and masochistic dream I think it would be fun.
Or maybe it was my subconscience telling my I need more control in my life,
or to stop my feelings from controling me.
But who knows.
Maybe I'm meant to enslave all of humanity.
Maybe it would be fun.
Domination =)
So once again I shall aim to take over the world.
Control everyone and everything.
After that completely sadistic and masochistic dream I think it would be fun.
Or maybe it was my subconscience telling my I need more control in my life,
or to stop my feelings from controling me.
But who knows.
Maybe I'm meant to enslave all of humanity.
Maybe it would be fun.
Domination =)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
hmm.
So I think I've decided that I'm completely insane.
And that I have to start using my head more.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and usually end up hurt.
So I'm just going to like not feel anything ever again.
Robots have more fun anyways. =)
And that I have to start using my head more.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and usually end up hurt.
So I'm just going to like not feel anything ever again.
Robots have more fun anyways. =)
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