Shit.

With so much crap in my life right now i dont even know what way is up anymore.
I am having so many problems with everything its not even funny.
OK so my bf of 10 months broke upp with me (Kolby), then the next day asked me
to take him back, then broke up with me again that night. Likle seriously hat the hell.
I dont even know why he would mess with me like that.
And his "best friend" is hitting on me (Jesse ross), the day of both break ups. And he doesnt even try to hide it. I hate this kid, even as a friend. And this
morning he came early, (becuase i am always here by six thirty) to hang
out with me. He gave me a pack of smokes and doesnt even get the hint
to go away. so while im all pissy about my loser ex (Kolby, even though i love him so much, i cant stand what he is doing to me) playing with my
heart he (jesse) is trying to pick up the pieces and im going to kick his ass.
all of our mutual smoke pit friends (Austin, James and Cole) think he is pathetic and saved me from him this morning. but he doesnt seem to get the hint. and it is just soooo
annoying. what the hell am i suppossed to do?
I dont even know.
And i dont want a new boyfriend. Because part of me still wants to be with kolby.
But he really is turning into an ass.
And it sucks because i am in love with him.
He is my first true love. and i am going to spend my life comparing every other guy to him.
And now i have spare and so does jesse and im going to be stuck hanging out with him, and its all so lame.
but i am hgoing to reconnect with all my friends and rediscover the fire that makes me who i am because i became so docil with kolby and have no fight or fire and put up with everything he dished out.
well to hell with that. im not the victim of a break up i am breaking free from it and im going to spend spring break with all my amazing friends, (Ashley Tat Austin James Ashley Ryan Deziree and maybe if the jerk is lucky Kolby, who by the way broke four bones in his foot and is on crutches and going to get fat. muahahahahahaha.)

Sooo... I've been busy.

I am really loving this snow... not.
I hate it so much.
And as a smoker who is always outside freezing her tush off with all her smoker friends,i would know how cold it is.
At least i have kolby to keep me warm.
=)
Aww it was cute he wrote me a poem today.
It talked about the moment we had in between the cars when we first started to talk, and almost kissed, but then a friend came and ruined the moment. Funny now, not so much then. And it mentioned the nights we spent together camping and when we laid under the stars at the summit.
It was the sweetest thing ever.
Coming up to seven months now.
SEVEN!
I cant even believe it.
And really i dont see us ending anytime soon.
We are lovers, but bestest friends too.
I love him.



And work has been good-ish.

But i have had so much fun with ashley kolby and tat lately.
A great group of friends.

Oh my effin gee.

Today = no words can describe.
But wow, really. i spent all day with kolby, and mary jane.
What a day. We should do that more.

Sooo.....

Well this is going to be an interesting blog. Due to conflicting content. Lets start with Church.
Christian City Church is the best. I love the environment. I love what the Pastors have to say, and how they say it. (Pastor Bill, and Pastor Eric)
The youth events are a lot of fun. Even though I only went to youth last Friday. It was a mix of games, worship, and prayer. It was very moving. I really felt something. The youth there are great, so normal. I don't feel judged there at all.
Its fantastic. And I'm going on week 5 this weekend. I really am looking forward to it.
So yeah i might have a job. Sportchek at sunridge. I really hope i get it!
I need insurance money. lol.
I feel so great right now. I had the best day with kolby.
It both started great and ended great.
I had the surprising Revelation that i am truly in love with him.
crazy.

Big pat on the back

So i am actually keeping up with my school work, which is awesome.
I just got home from a job interview i think i did excellent on.
Me and Kolby are happy together, almost four months. =)
I actually feel ok.
=)

Im a red head.

And my moms pissed,
I have to go to school tomorrow.
And after seening him i cant stop thinking of him.
Sorry.

Soo...

Long time since i have posted anything important, (to me).
I have been so busy working my ass off. Im going to start looking for a real part time job soon, insted of this come in if we need you kinda job. I hate inventory.
But im making good money. And Me and my dad are going to look at a car tomorrow night. Hopefully its decent.
Ugh, so kolby leaves in 12 days (sadface), and he is gone until the 16th, and i leave on the 14h for like a week(ish). So im gonig to reallllly miss him. Hopefully i can talk to my parent and we can make a trip in to pick him up. But who knows. (Two months and Five days strong :)heart:)
Im so scared of moving.
I mean i love the new house. Its going to be perfect. But still.
Whatever. I dont know.
I miss jess, i hope shes having fun in B.c. I miss her so much.
And she wont be here to say good bye.
But i guess living with her and her fam for a couple weeks will make up for it =)
I cant wait for that.