Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

This day just keeps getting worse.
no this week is.
Its been all fucking week.
First shit with someone from my past.
And that is fucking with my head massively.
Everyday is downhill with that.
And then today Layne breaks up with me.
Which sucks becuase i cant even be mad about it.
After nationals hes going to try out for cirque du sole.
And I cant be mad because he is following his dreams.
But it doesnt stop it from hurting.
And now my fucking uncle is coming over this weekend and i have to be here.
I dont want to fucking see him.
I dont want to meet his bitch of a new wife.
I dont fucking care.
And then my parents tell me that we are going to get passpports becuase my uncle is losing his job so he is moving down to new mexico with her.
So now were stuck going down over the summer as well.
I dont want any fucking part of it.
None of it.
Fuck.
I dont even want to wake up tomorrow.
Becuase something else bad will happen. And i cant fucking take it anymore.
Its all so fcuked.
And i am so sick of crying all the time.

Choke On This- Senses Fail

Half smoked cigarettes and you're the trash
That infests my sheets
Can't make a wife out of a whore,
Don't want your skin on me

And you're,
You're addicted to the drug of lust
A detox in the cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on a dusty shelf

So this love's been worn down, like songs on a tape
The sex has lost all of its fun, like gum loses taste

And you're
You're addicted to the drug of lust
A detox in the cold sweat of shame
And I love your pain

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf

I'm here, lying in your bed, babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my James Dean; I'll be your sweet queen"

I said that you were my first, but you weren't even close, now
Like a frame in a movie, you're just one of many
Can you grant me one last wish?
Play russian roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains out on me

I gave you these roses now but I left in the thorns
I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself
I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel
I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf

Dear Mr. Masochistic asshole

If you could kindly stop playing games with my head, i would appreciate it.
And do you think,
If its not to much to ask,
Could i have my heart back?
You know the one you ripped out and let your dogs use as a toy.
I am aware its probably not in the best shape,
poor thing never was from the moment we met.
And I know you claim that I hurt you,
but that isnt the case.
You hurt me, long before I left.
And you continue to hurt me now, long after I've gone.
But honestly I am aware that this is all of my own stupidity.
Stupid because I fell in love with you. -First(mistake) Love.
Stupid becuase I put up with EVERY single lie.
Stupid because I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
Regardless, if you could just stop, all of it.
Please do.
And if you happen to find any shredded pieces of me heart laying around,
mail it back to me.
Thanks so much.

Ok so anytime someone wants to slap some sense into me,
they are welcome to do it.
I wish someone would because im being stupid again.
AGAIN.
I reallllllyyyy just fucking fail.

I am a not so patient person

I still couldnt sleep last night.
And the second i woke up, (about five minutes ago)
I ran down here to see if he replyed.
Which he did. About 5 minutes after i logged off.
Fucking slutface.
And now I replyed to him.
And I am waiting for him to reply back to me.

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FUCK!

i dont get it.
i dont get you.
i dont get any of this.
i dont get why this is happening.
i dont get why i care still.
i dont get why any of this matters.
i dont get why im being so difficult.
i dont any of it.
i wish i knew why you acted that way.
i wish i knew why i acted that way.
i wish i knew why you made my heart, head and tummy feel funny.
i wish i knew why any of this is going to cause me to stay in therapy for years to come.

*Meltdown*

I feel like exploding.
Everything is just breaking down.
First off, I cant believe its over.
Were meeting up to saw goodbye.
That is hard for me to comprehend.
Seriously. It just is.
And I feel like i'm going to be sick.
Then there are so many people having so many problems and i cant help them all.
Not to mention im bitchy from this lifestlye change and i really want a big mac.
I have no clean clothes and im suppoed to go out in an hour and a half.
!!!!!!!
Fucking dirty cuntface son of a bitch!!