Wow...just wow.

Last night was awesome.
I love meeting new people.
I love having reckless fun.
I love being able to relax.
I'm happy.

Spab : To stab somebody using a spoon. Usually for humiliation or comical purposes.

I am so tired right now, I feel like I’m going to drop.
And I really should be doing my math homework. Like seriously. Fuck. Did I mention I am having hot flashes? No, well I am.
Oh well, it’s Friday, finally. Only problem is I have no idea what I’m doing tonight. Rawr. If I don’t find out what I’m doing I’ll see if Jess wants to go to teen night. Because after tomorrow I cant go swimming for three weeks. Wicked. So I have three weeks to lose about 100 pounds. Then I can compare to the pretty skinny girls. I mean if guys think skeletons are hot, then great. Sure why not, lets assimilate everyone into being as fucked as Nicole Ritchie. I mean eating disorders are the way of the future. Woot Woot.
BTW Happy (non) Birthday Carson. We know its not, but they don’t. So congrats on turning ….. ummm uhh. Well whatever Happy Birthday. +Smile if your thinking about sex+
Everyone should be smiling, because sex is always on our minds, because the media uses it to make things more appealing. Nothing is hotter than seeing some blonde skank on a wet soapy car in a tiny little bikini, eating a cheeseburger. I mean like daymn. All I can think about is mcdonalds now.
Sex sEx sEx Sex seX Sex seX.
Yeah. Still thinking about those fries.
Sex seX sEx Sex Sex sEx Sex SeX
And those chicken nuggets.
SEX!
Anyway, I still have not done any math homework. FAIL. So yeah I’m going to sign off, and go do it.
Peace <3

I’m sorry.

It’s never good to watch a movie when every twitch feels like an earthquake. It gets annoying to feel like everyone is staring at you. I thought I was going to drop the cup. I don’t remember much of anything I said. I was totally out of it on these stupid pills. (Don’t worry, not like actual drugs or anything.) That’s what you get for not eating before I took them. I now feel very annoyed, because I made him think I was mad at him. All while totally pissing him off, I remember how many times I heard that. Which is why I thought he had hung up on purpose. But he said he didn’t, so I believe him. But last night he hung up, and all I thought was like are you fucking serious right now? Like I was like, ok I hated when Connor hung up on me and it was instant pain, hurt, and anger. But then I clamed down. Realized I was being stupid. Thought about calling him back, and fell asleep crying instead. And then I woke up (Very late, I totally over-slept) And listened to all the messages he left, and I wanted to say ‘I’m not mad at you, I could never stay mad at you, I’m so sorry I didn’t call you back, i'm sorry I turned off my phone’. But I didn’t say that. I text Good morning sunshine instead. And then I went to do my hair, and he called, so I went and called him back. And he was still like half asleep so I don’t remember what he had said, it was all very quiet. Hopefully, I remembered to apologize. If not, Hun I am so sorry, for everything. I feel terrible; I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Not the only stupid thing I did yesterday. I bought a green shirt. With ruffles. What was I thinking? Green ruffles, on me, yeah right. I’m going to test it tomorrow. If James likes it, then it will be fine. Because he is always truthful. Which can get annoying, but I wish everyone were as truthful as he is. But yeah, There was this other shirt I totally thought was hot, but that was a bit slutty. Lol not like that has ever stopped me before. But yeah, it’s a cute halter, and it will be cool all summer. And some random thoughts, I want to go for a walk, The house is a mess, I am kinda hungry- but I’m not eating, My leg is super itchy, I hate this song I don’t even know why its on my ipod, I wish my hair would hurry up and grow I’m so fucking sick of having it short, I hope Kassee remembers were meeting up for lunch, I still have a fricken hour left of this class, its taking forever, Um I hope we have kraft dinner for supper. And I think I have to pee.

Today.
Take a deep breath.
Compliment yourself.
Know that everything happens for a reason.
And take something that could be bad, and let it roll right off your shoulders.
ENJOY LIFE!

Waah!
I can't get my tattoo at Fine Line.
Now I have to search to find somewhere that can do it.
*Ahem* What science homework? you must be crazy.

*Edit*
Impact Body art.
2PM Saturday

Me...Hiding under a rock.

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~0-|-<

Well isnt that shitty.

*Warning: Bitch post. I had so much fun this past weekend, but there are still things gnawing at my heart. I can’t believe your doing drugs again. Like really, you have so much more to live for. You don’t need to be doing that, and I can’t even yell at you for being so stupid. And what really pisses me off, is you offered HER of all people, connections. She will not do drugs. And to think that she would is wow. You know her; you know she isn’t like that. But who knows. It’s like she’s not even herself anymore. She smokes now, and I feel responsible. I keep acting and pretending it doesn’t bother me but it does. Not just the smoking, but also the drinking. It scares me so much to know she enjoys drinking. And that she can’t wait to do it again. Drinking is not fun, I would know. (Falling off treadmill.) Because then on top of that is alcoholism. I’ve seen it destroy people. I will kick her ass before I ever let that happen. Part of me understands, but part of me doesn’t. Honestly, I know how her parents are, and I know how mine can be. It still isn’t an excuse for bad habits. I know that bad habits are not the way to deal with it. So why do I do them? Because it’s what is expected of me. People expect to see me smoking, or drinking. They expect me to say yes to everything my heart cries no too. Yes(no) I will sleep with you. Yes(no) I want to steal a car. Yes(no) I’ll go smoke a joint. Yes(no) I will help you steal. I can’t say no, and when I do, I feel guilty. I have been through a lot and have lost a lot of friends, so I try to do whatever I can to keep the ones I have. Even if it means not standing up for what I believe in. Whatever about me, back to her. She needs to smarten up before its too late. What’s worse is I can’t do anything, it has to be something she wants or she won’t change. And then there is him. I don’t know what it is between us, but there is just something great about you. Unfortunately you will never be mine. But while we are watching movies, cuddled up, listening to your heartbeat (which proves you do have a heart) it almost seems like we could be. Even when we argue and yell, it seems normal. I don’t know what you think or feel about me, but there are days I think you just say you care, its about as bad as the lines you feed me. The lines I take, like they don’t even taste bad. Like they mean more than what is on the surface. Regardless, I cant do anything to change any of the above because it is all out of my hands. And that bites. So now I get to go home and add another notch in my skin, to prove yet again how weak I am. Yay me.